apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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