all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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