We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
