but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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