if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
