Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
