You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
