i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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