he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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