Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
