yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
