My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
