dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize