he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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