I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
