was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
