I want to make a zoo with you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
