"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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