I looked at my own cervix.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
