I just saw a hot homeless man
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
