So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
