My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
