i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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