Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
