The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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