Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
