sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
