tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
