oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
