i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
