arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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