My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Congratulations! We have a period
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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