Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
