WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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