I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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