what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize