I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
