no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
