when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
