Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
