No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
