I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
