How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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