I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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