Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
