Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
this is an emotional support booty call
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
