What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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