She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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