Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
