Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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