Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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