new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
