we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
