oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
