I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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