I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
