Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
