Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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