i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
