spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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