She's JV to your varsity
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
