i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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