So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
