you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
