Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize