you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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