dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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