Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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