I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
