to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
