using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
