I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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