I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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