OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
