Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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