At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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