i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
