Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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