I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
