i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
