I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
