the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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