o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
