Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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