she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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