An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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