i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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