my soul wont recognize me after tonight
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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