sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
