At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
