she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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