It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize