Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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