who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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