Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
