She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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