I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How does one acquire holy water?
Everclear isn't food dammit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
