Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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