I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
did you just send me my own nude
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
