this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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