Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
