We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
