Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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