Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize