so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
