please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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