I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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