why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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