yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
