i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
