he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
