Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
