I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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