fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize