And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
